It's late. I am tired. I have so much going on in my head right now. Sadness hits at the oddest times. Tired of dealing with kids that are so spoiled it is ridiculous. Tired of dealing with people that are so insensitive and have no clue. Did I mention I am tired.
I did go through my closet tonight and have two huge bags of clothes to take to goodwill. I am taking a bunch of other stuff too. Maybe getting rid of some of this will help me. I am ready to feel better. Praying that day will come. Some sort of healing. God is with me and I am aware of that. Thank you God for being there.
I am listening.
I am waiting.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Love this!
http://www.jewelryartdesigns.com/jewelry-jad.asp?p=Win-Jewelry&xref=www.shopaholicmommy.com
Someone will win 200 dollars!
Someone will win 200 dollars!
The Road Ahead
Well, I will go back to the surgeon on Wednesday. I have been on some really nasty antibiotics 4 times a day. They are freaking horse pills and I dont swallow pills! I have been doing ok with them. Takes me a little bit and then I get it down. Sam has made so much fun of me. Oh well, he screams like a little girl if he sees a frog! Pay back baby.
Dr. Tompkins said that he wants to give the infection a month to try and heal before we talk about surgery. He wasnt aware of my clotting disorder at that appointment so that throws a whole nother kink in the situation of surgery. I am not even sure if I can have it here. So now we just wait on this part.
I have been doing ok with the news of having another baby. I have my days. I have had many wonderful friends that I have cried with and that has helped. We cant move forward with adoption right now because of finances. We have started up a fund for that. It breaks my heart that it cost so much to rescue these helpless babies out of orphanages or even from moms here that want a better future for their babies. Domestic adoption scares me to death thought. I have seen many families have nurseries ready and waiting only to have the baby ripped from them either at the hospital or a while after they come home. I had no idea that some states the mother has up to 1 year to change her mind! You have to be freakin kidding me. ONE WHOLE YEAR.
I am off to work on some curtains for a friend that is having twins in TWO weeks. Sweet baby girls, Gracie Jo and Avaleigh. I cant wait to hold them. I am hoping that it wont be to hard for me. Please keep my friend Peri in your prayers too! She is going to need them.
Love and hugs,
Jessica
Dr. Tompkins said that he wants to give the infection a month to try and heal before we talk about surgery. He wasnt aware of my clotting disorder at that appointment so that throws a whole nother kink in the situation of surgery. I am not even sure if I can have it here. So now we just wait on this part.
I have been doing ok with the news of having another baby. I have my days. I have had many wonderful friends that I have cried with and that has helped. We cant move forward with adoption right now because of finances. We have started up a fund for that. It breaks my heart that it cost so much to rescue these helpless babies out of orphanages or even from moms here that want a better future for their babies. Domestic adoption scares me to death thought. I have seen many families have nurseries ready and waiting only to have the baby ripped from them either at the hospital or a while after they come home. I had no idea that some states the mother has up to 1 year to change her mind! You have to be freakin kidding me. ONE WHOLE YEAR.
I am off to work on some curtains for a friend that is having twins in TWO weeks. Sweet baby girls, Gracie Jo and Avaleigh. I cant wait to hold them. I am hoping that it wont be to hard for me. Please keep my friend Peri in your prayers too! She is going to need them.
Love and hugs,
Jessica
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Not so good news
Well we had our doctor visit today. The one we were holding on to being told we could have one more child with out worry. Well, that didnt happen. I burst into tears.
Basically the disorder I have hyperhomocystinima/MTHFR is worse than what we thought. Dr. Thompson was not comfortable at all telling me this. She knows how desperately we wanted another baby. Since some of the stuff she was looking at was almost 4 years old she has decided to send me to a hematologist here in town to see where I am now. I cant see him until January. I will go back to her two weeks after that appointment to see the results. If some of the numbers are better and we decide to try I have to go to Shreveport. I wouldnt be able to be seen here at home or deliver here. Everything would be done in Shreveport. Not only do I have to worry about being pregnant and forming clots, I would also have a much higher risk of placenta abruption. It could be really bad if I had to be on bed rest. Basically I was told that if we tried to have a baby there would be a good chance I wouldnt be here to help raise it or our wonderful son Jake. It is just now really hitting. I feel like I could curl up in a ball and cry for days. The fact that I am still here to begin with was a miracle she said. The c-section is very risky and the hospital stay after would be too. On top of that I found out that I am carrying staph in my body so I will be prone to infection. I picked that up from the hospital I delivered Jake at. I developed a fever the day after I had him and they kept me in the hospital on iv antibiotics for a week. Now, any wound/incision takes longer to heal. Dr. Thompson said she had never seen a case like mine before.
We are desperately praying for change. I know I have to turn this over to God. I have to figure out His plan. My plan may not be what He wants for our family.
Basically the disorder I have hyperhomocystinima/MTHFR is worse than what we thought. Dr. Thompson was not comfortable at all telling me this. She knows how desperately we wanted another baby. Since some of the stuff she was looking at was almost 4 years old she has decided to send me to a hematologist here in town to see where I am now. I cant see him until January. I will go back to her two weeks after that appointment to see the results. If some of the numbers are better and we decide to try I have to go to Shreveport. I wouldnt be able to be seen here at home or deliver here. Everything would be done in Shreveport. Not only do I have to worry about being pregnant and forming clots, I would also have a much higher risk of placenta abruption. It could be really bad if I had to be on bed rest. Basically I was told that if we tried to have a baby there would be a good chance I wouldnt be here to help raise it or our wonderful son Jake. It is just now really hitting. I feel like I could curl up in a ball and cry for days. The fact that I am still here to begin with was a miracle she said. The c-section is very risky and the hospital stay after would be too. On top of that I found out that I am carrying staph in my body so I will be prone to infection. I picked that up from the hospital I delivered Jake at. I developed a fever the day after I had him and they kept me in the hospital on iv antibiotics for a week. Now, any wound/incision takes longer to heal. Dr. Thompson said she had never seen a case like mine before.
We are desperately praying for change. I know I have to turn this over to God. I have to figure out His plan. My plan may not be what He wants for our family.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
update
Nothing new has happened here lately. The adoption papers are being worked on. We are saving money and just waiting. It is so sad that people that desperately want children have to nearly go broke to adopt.
I have my doctors appointment on Thursday to see if anything is new on the clotting issue. I am nervous/excited at the same time. I really hope everything has gone back to normal and we can have another baby. I will let you know!
I have my doctors appointment on Thursday to see if anything is new on the clotting issue. I am nervous/excited at the same time. I really hope everything has gone back to normal and we can have another baby. I will let you know!
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Now the first wait
Yes, I know. Still no pictures of Vegas. Sorry. We did turn in our paper work for domestic adoption and paper work for adoption from South Korea though! Now we are to wait for up to 2 weeks until we hear back from Bethany. Not sure what to expect next.
The main reason we chose South Korea is that we don't necessarily have to travel there. It will save some money in the long run. It was really expensive for 3 people to travel there and leaving Jake home wasn't an option. He would be going to meet his new sibling no matter what. I think that we may have to travel to Los Angles, but that is a lot better than Korea!
I have had one other person tell me that she sees us with a little girl from Korea. I really don't know if this is God trying to beat something into us or not. We will have to wait and see. I just want to hold a healthy child!
Love and hugs,
Jessica
The main reason we chose South Korea is that we don't necessarily have to travel there. It will save some money in the long run. It was really expensive for 3 people to travel there and leaving Jake home wasn't an option. He would be going to meet his new sibling no matter what. I think that we may have to travel to Los Angles, but that is a lot better than Korea!
I have had one other person tell me that she sees us with a little girl from Korea. I really don't know if this is God trying to beat something into us or not. We will have to wait and see. I just want to hold a healthy child!
Love and hugs,
Jessica
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
New News
Yes, I do realize I have yet to post one picture of our Vegas trip. Dont shoot me! I promise I will do some Friday. We have been very busy around here. I do have some good/exciting news though! But you will have to wait until the end for that. Here is a recap of whats been going on.
Jake started Kindergarten (home school) in September! We both absolutely love it. Some days have been a little more trying than others but it is great. He still gets plenty of friend time so he isn't missing out on anything. He is flying through his curriculum to the point I think I should have gotten the advanced one! Way to go ABEKA preschool!
I am still doing the monogramming and diaper cakes. I am a little reserved with the monogramming because I am so worried about messing up stuff. I think I am going to take a sewing class, but have to find one first!
Now, here's what you wanted to know. We have wanted another baby for a long time. I have been way over weight and wouldn't even think about it until I got some of the weight off. Along the way I had some major health issues. I was diagnosed with a blood disorder that caused me to clot to much. I nearly lost my life on Jake's first birthday. They said having another baby would be very dangerous and that I would have to take shots the whole time. I had to take them for the testing they did and hated them. I couldn't imagine taking them for 9 to 12 months twice a day! We have been praying for a long time about what to do. We both loved the idea of adoption but also know the cost, especially overseas. We narrowed agencies down and contacted Bethany Adoption Service. We received a copy of a preliminary application yesterday at 9am!
Now for the interesting part. Phone rings at 10:30. It is Dr. Thompson's office. The nurse said that the doctor had gotten all of my medical record from the hematologist in Little Rock and wanted to see me. Well, that has never been good in my experience. She said oh no, it is that the doctor doesn't know why you were supposed to be taking blood thinners. The test that we repeated isn't showing any problems. I didn't know what to say! Are you serious? I was told that this was genetic and wasn't going away. She said she didn't know what was going on but that she wanted to see me. I am going in on the 29th to see what she thinks. If that is the case then we could possibly be able to have a baby once I loose more weight. I do still have some other issues to deal with though from the c-section.
Pray for us. We know that God is telling us something and we just are not sure what yet. I dont know if we are supposed do both if able. Or do we just need to pick one path and stick to it. Keep us in your prayers as we go down one of these paths. Right now, I dont see how we can pay for even a domestic adoption. We havent saved for something like that and it scares me that we may find a baby but have to back away because of money.
Oh, a funny/weird note. A friend tonight was talking to me and doesnt know the story of our struggles and thinking on adoption. She was just talking away and then said I think you guys will get a baby from South Korea. I got goose bumps! That is the only country we selected on the international application!
Jake started Kindergarten (home school) in September! We both absolutely love it. Some days have been a little more trying than others but it is great. He still gets plenty of friend time so he isn't missing out on anything. He is flying through his curriculum to the point I think I should have gotten the advanced one! Way to go ABEKA preschool!
I am still doing the monogramming and diaper cakes. I am a little reserved with the monogramming because I am so worried about messing up stuff. I think I am going to take a sewing class, but have to find one first!
Now, here's what you wanted to know. We have wanted another baby for a long time. I have been way over weight and wouldn't even think about it until I got some of the weight off. Along the way I had some major health issues. I was diagnosed with a blood disorder that caused me to clot to much. I nearly lost my life on Jake's first birthday. They said having another baby would be very dangerous and that I would have to take shots the whole time. I had to take them for the testing they did and hated them. I couldn't imagine taking them for 9 to 12 months twice a day! We have been praying for a long time about what to do. We both loved the idea of adoption but also know the cost, especially overseas. We narrowed agencies down and contacted Bethany Adoption Service. We received a copy of a preliminary application yesterday at 9am!
Now for the interesting part. Phone rings at 10:30. It is Dr. Thompson's office. The nurse said that the doctor had gotten all of my medical record from the hematologist in Little Rock and wanted to see me. Well, that has never been good in my experience. She said oh no, it is that the doctor doesn't know why you were supposed to be taking blood thinners. The test that we repeated isn't showing any problems. I didn't know what to say! Are you serious? I was told that this was genetic and wasn't going away. She said she didn't know what was going on but that she wanted to see me. I am going in on the 29th to see what she thinks. If that is the case then we could possibly be able to have a baby once I loose more weight. I do still have some other issues to deal with though from the c-section.
Pray for us. We know that God is telling us something and we just are not sure what yet. I dont know if we are supposed do both if able. Or do we just need to pick one path and stick to it. Keep us in your prayers as we go down one of these paths. Right now, I dont see how we can pay for even a domestic adoption. We havent saved for something like that and it scares me that we may find a baby but have to back away because of money.
Oh, a funny/weird note. A friend tonight was talking to me and doesnt know the story of our struggles and thinking on adoption. She was just talking away and then said I think you guys will get a baby from South Korea. I got goose bumps! That is the only country we selected on the international application!
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