Not so good news

Well we had our doctor visit today. The one we were holding on to being told we could have one more child with out worry. Well, that didnt happen. I burst into tears.

Basically the disorder I have hyperhomocystinima/MTHFR is worse than what we thought. Dr. Thompson was not comfortable at all telling me this. She knows how desperately we wanted another baby. Since some of the stuff she was looking at was almost 4 years old she has decided to send me to a hematologist here in town to see where I am now. I cant see him until January. I will go back to her two weeks after that appointment to see the results. If some of the numbers are better and we decide to try I have to go to Shreveport. I wouldnt be able to be seen here at home or deliver here. Everything would be done in Shreveport. Not only do I have to worry about being pregnant and forming clots, I would also have a much higher risk of placenta abruption. It could be really bad if I had to be on bed rest. Basically I was told that if we tried to have a baby there would be a good chance I wouldnt be here to help raise it or our wonderful son Jake. It is just now really hitting. I feel like I could curl up in a ball and cry for days. The fact that I am still here to begin with was a miracle she said. The c-section is very risky and the hospital stay after would be too. On top of that I found out that I am carrying staph in my body so I will be prone to infection. I picked that up from the hospital I delivered Jake at. I developed a fever the day after I had him and they kept me in the hospital on iv antibiotics for a week. Now, any wound/incision takes longer to heal. Dr. Thompson said she had never seen a case like mine before.
We are desperately praying for change. I know I have to turn this over to God. I have to figure out His plan. My plan may not be what He wants for our family.